One Shot Was Not Enough
Lying on the couch under heaps of
blankets I am so HOT! I’m sweaty. It
seems like I was shivering just a few minutes ago. I was as cold as an ice
cube, even under two blankets and my sleeping bag. I fling the covers off and
sit up. My head feels weird—like it’s stuffed with cotton or airy, fluffy
polyester. Should I have some orange
juice? Finally, I’m cooling off.
Not ten
minutes seem to pass before I’m freezing again. Huddling under the blankets I
can’t stop shivering. The Price Is Right is still on TV, but I’ve lost interest.
Who cares what his bid was Bob Barker!
Maybe I should
take a shower to try to warm up. So I trundle off to the bathroom with my
sleeping bag held around my shoulders like a cape, the blue fuzzy part against
my neck. I turn on the shower as hot as it will go and get in. I just stand underneath
it, feeling the searing needles pierce my skin--feels so good—and I am finally
warm again.
I dry off
quickly and bundle up in heavy pajamas and my quilted robe. Feeling better, I
head back to the couch and lie down. The Price Is Right is over and there’s a
soap opera on. Boring. I’m getting cold
again.
Maybe I
should take my temperature. I find the thermometer in Mom’s bathroom cupboard,
and I return to the couch and lie down to take my temp. [Mom says always sit still when you're taking your temperature.] After what seems like
four or five minutes I look at the thermometer. 104. Could that be right? I
shake it down like Mom does and put it back into my mouth. Several minutes
later I check again. 104 again. Um. That’s high.
I should probably
call Dr. Ramsey’s office. In a few minutes. With my sleeping bag cape around me I creep to the
kitchen and sit down in Dad's chair—I am so tired. I look in Mom’s red Parade calendar for the phone
number, and then I dial each number, listening as the dial spins slowly back
into place before I dial the next number.
“Hello, my
name is Betsy. I am home sick today. I was hot and then really cold, so I took
a shower to warm up, but I got cold again, so I took my temperature, and it is
104,” I explain to the lady who answers.
“My mom and
dad are out-of-town on a trip.”
“We have
Nancy and Kevin staying with us, but they’re at work. My brother is at school.”
“Yes, I’m
the only one here.”
Someone
took me to the doctor’s office. Measles.
But no spots. I was ten.
Nancy had
to stay home with me the next few days. She was a teacher, so she had to have a
substitute. I felt guilty that she couldn't go to her job. Mom and Dad came back, but not early. Within
a week or two, the newspaper reported that kids should get a booster shot for
the measles immunization. One shot was not enough.
Betsy,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how you wove your thought process throughout the story. It flow reminded me of the kind of off balance thinking that you get when have the flu or a cold. It really helped to capture the moment and illustrate your train of thought. I'm am curious if you felt scared or worried throughout this experience or if you were calm? What with your parents being out of town. I felt like most of you piece was so descriptive with your use of word choice, internal dialogue, and similes. A suggestion would be to maybe think about your final paragraph ending and try to incorporate some of the elements that you used in the rest of your piece there. Most of you piece shows the reader, but the last paragraph seems to be a bit more of telling the reader.
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ReplyDeleteThanks Blakelee, I really value your feedback. It did occur to me that I didn't share any of my feelings, but I don't remember being afraid or overly concerned. Of course, it was a l-o-n-g time ago!
ReplyDeleteI'll work on reconstructing the last paragraph.
Thanks!
Thanks Blakelee, I really value your feedback. It did occur to me that I didn't share any of my feelings, but I don't remember being afraid or overly concerned. Of course, it was a l-o-n-g time ago!
ReplyDeleteI'll work on reconstructing the last paragraph.
Thanks!
Your narrative of your being sick was very interesting. I think you did a great job of making this life experience into a story. You did a wonderful job of telling it through the eyes of a child. One suggestion may be to add to the "feelings" side, which I know was previously mentioned. How did you feel? Were you scared? What did your parents say? I love your last sentence. It was a great way to end it!
ReplyDeleteHi Betsy! You crashed my blog, so I thought I'd return the favor. Two things...twinning is winning. We have the same layout, so that's rad. Second...I LOVE the title of your story. (Ok, I lied three things) Third, I liked that your dialogue only had your version of the conversation. I remember having chicken pox when I was a kid and my mom was out of town. It was the WORST being sick without my mommy. I agree with Blakelee and Angelene that you might include some feelings. Alright, so I guess that was 4 things. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Betsy! I started to feel sick as I started reading this. You do a great job of bringing the audience in to the experience that you lived through. I'm sorry you were sick and alone at home. That's never fun! Did you have a favorite movie to watch when you were really sick? Mine was Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. I wonder how much longer you would have toughed it out if you didn't check your temp?
ReplyDeleteHey Betsy! I started to feel sick as I started reading this. You do a great job of bringing the audience in to the experience that you lived through. I'm sorry you were sick and alone at home. That's never fun! Did you have a favorite movie to watch when you were really sick? Mine was Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. I wonder how much longer you would have toughed it out if you didn't check your temp?
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for your suggestions. I will try to remember how I was feeling and add that in. Cody, we didn't have movies on TV in those days. It would have been nice!
ReplyDelete